A Light in the Darkness
by DawseyLovee
Summary: Dawson was put back on the ambulance, only to find herself out of control at a call. Things start to fall apart and a life is lost because Dawson was distracted. When depression envelops her, will that one person be able to bring her back to reality, back to who she is and what she loves? Rated M for later chapters.
1. What Have I Done?

Hey everyone! Getting back into the habit of writing! Here's a sneak peek at what's to come! Let me know if you'd like more by reviewing and favoriting and such! Thank you!

Dawson walked through the firehouse, her head hanging low as the overwhelming feeling of frustration spread throughout her entire body.

"Hey, Dawson," Brett jogged up behind her, grabbing her shoulder to stop her, "what's going on?" The concern in her voice projected more than she had meant for it to.

Dawson couldn't mutter a single word, she just shook her head, pitying herself for the way she had handled the most recent call.

"Look, you can't save them all! Everyone makes mistakes." Brett tried to sound more convincing than she felt.

"I have to go," Dawson brushed her off and headed for the showers.

Brett watched as she left, feeling remorseful for not saying more, for not even knowing what to say to make Dawson feel the slightest bit better.

Dawson stripped out of her uniform, tossing everything into a pile on the bench. Reaching in to the shower stall, she turned the knob to scalding and stepped in, flinching at the heat, but letting it run against her body anyway.

 _"What the hell happened? Why couldn't I have saved her?"_ she questioned over and over, _"What could I have done to save the poor little girl from dying? A baby for fuck's sake!"_ Dawson slammed her hands against the wall of the stall, sinking down. Tears began to stream down her face, but were whisked away by the stream of the shower. She sat against the ground and put her head between her knees, _"Do I even belong here anymore?"_

After what felt like only minutes, Dawson heard a light tapping just outside the curtain.

"Dawson, you in there?"

It was Casey. _"Go away!"_ her thoughts screamed, _"I can't deal with you right now!"_

Instead, a muttered whisper fell from her lips, "Yes, it's me."

"We need to talk, Dawson."

The dreaded words she was avoiding had just pierced the silence surrounding her fragile being. It was time. Time to face the reality of all that had gone wrong only hours ago.

-Hey guys, first little tease at what's to come! Getting back in to the habit of writing and wanted to see if y'all would be interested in seeing where this could go! Leave reviews and let me know! Thanks!


	2. Looking Back Part 1

-Hey all! Thanks for the reviews, favorites, and follows! It means a lot to me and every single one of you is appreciated! On to Chapter 2!-

Dawson slowly stood in the shower, using the wall to support her weak limbs. She reached out and grabbed the towel off the hook, wrapping it tightly around her petite frame. She stepped on to the cold tile, giving Casey the cold shoulder.

"Dawson..." his voice was low.

"Just let me get dressed!" she barked at him, shuffling as quickly as she could to leave the shower room.

Casey watched her, shocked at her behavior. He had known Dawson for years and couldn't comprehend why she was behaving in such an out of the ordinary way.

 _"Everyone screws up,"_ he thought, _"why is this one hitting her so hard?"_

Dawson walked to her locker, chills covering her entire body. She shivered as she sat down on the bench.

"I deserve to suffer," her shaking voice rang out into the silence, "just like she did!"

Dawson's head fell into her hands as the sobbing overtook her. Her wet, tangled hair fell around her face, hiding her anguishing sadness from any passer-bys. She let the tears flow freely until she could barely hold herself up. Once she collected herself some, she forced herself off the bench, grabbed her tank top, sweatpants, sports bra, and thong from her locker, and releasing her towel, dressed herself. She tossed her hair up into a messy bun and wiped the last few tears away, hoping to hide the evidence.

Dawson leaned over and grabbed the towel off the floor, tossing it into the nearby community laundry bin. She headed for her bed, completely ignoring the fact that Casey was waiting for her in his office.

She collapsed onto her bed, burying her face into her pillow. _"How could I have missed her screams? She did scream, right? What the hell was I doing?"_ Dawson began to replay the fire scene in her mind.

(Flashback to the fire scene)

"Alright," Chief said as everyone climbed out of the trucks and ambulance, "this fire's already looking worse than what dispatch mentioned, so we need to move quick!"

Casey and Severide exchanged looks. Casey spoke first, "I'll have my men enter from the front and roof, can you guys handle the back?"

Severide flashed a smirk, "I think we can handle a whole lot more, but yes, we'll cover the back. Alright, you heard him, let's move!"

Dawson and Sylvie grabbed the gurney from the back of the ambulance and lowered it to the ground. Dawson grabbed the backboard and threw it on top.

She threw a look Sylvie's way, "You can never be too sure at these kind of fires!"

Sylvie nodded, "I've seen a lot of different types of burn victims, or just victims in general, and yes, you'd be surprised!"

Dawson followed Sylvie up to the sidewalk and set the backboard on the mattress. She looked up at the roof, "I hope it's sturdy enough up there!"

Suddenly, Severide's voice rang out from the back of the townhouse, "Hey, we need medics back here!"

The girls jumped to attention and grabbed the gurney, racing to the back of the house.

"What do we have?" Dawson spoke first.

"Looks like a young one," Severide frowned, watching his men remove the child from the crib, "no parents seem to be around though, from our primary search."

"Why in the hell would you leave a child home alone?" Sylvie angrily spoke.

Dawson pushed past Severide and just as she got to the door, the men pushed it open a carried out a small girl, no older than fifteen months.

"Oh my…" Dawson choked down her tears at the sight of the badly burned little girl, "what were your parents thinking?"

(Flash forward to present time)

"Dawson," Casey was now standing at the end of her bed.

She sat up, tears streaming down her cheeks, "Why the fuck would her parents have left her home alone? Who fucking does that?"

"We'll find them, they couldn't have gone far," Casey tried to reassure her in a calming voice.

Dawson shook her head, "I just don't get it. Children's lives are so important, God, maybe even more important than anyone else's. We bring them in to this world, and they are completely helpless, they rely on us solely to fulfill their every need….and these monsters failed to do such a simple task!"

He sat down on the edge of her bed, placing his hand on her knee, "yes, they should and will suffer, PD will take care of them. But Dawson, why does this hurt so much?"

Her eyes met with his, and she stared for only a moment before looking away, "I…I can't…I don't want to talk about it right now, ok?"

"Why?" anger started to surface in Casey's voice.

"Just stop!" Dawson shoved his hand off of her leg and scooted further away from him, pressing her back against the small headboard.

"You can't keep everything bottled up forever," he stood and started to walk away, "it's all going to come out eventually."

She turned her head away from him, her eyes on the floor. She wiped the tears that were still resting on her cheeks. "Just…go," her voice was just above a whisper.

Casey turned slowly, shaking his head. He hadn't felt this disappointed in her for as long as he had known her. "You know I'm here for you."

Dawson didn't respond to him, and watched him walk away. Once she saw that he was out of sight , she placed her hands on her stomach, and whispering again, questioned to the silence around her, "would you still be if you knew.

-And here's the end to chapter two! Tell me what you think! Thanks all!-


	3. Looking Back Part 2

-Welcome back to another chapter! Thank you so much for the continued support even though I'm terrible at updating in a timely matter! On to chapter 3!-

Dawson's eyes opened slowly, gathering where she was. _"Damn, must've fallen asleep,"_ she thought as she grabbed her phone to check the time. The phone read 3:16a.m. _"I'm so hungry, might as well go see what's leftover from dinner."_

Sitting all the way up, Dawson slipped on her flip-flops and headed for the community room. She tip toed past her crew and moved quickly down the stairs. Upon reaching the fridge, she dug around the Tupperware that were each filled to the top with pasta, vegetables, fruits, and garlic bread.

"Yuck," she whispered, "nothing looks good."

"How about we go out and find something to eat then?"

Dawson jumped, slamming the fridge door in the process. A loud 'bang' filled the silence. "Holy shit, Casey! Where did you come from? Are you trying to give me a heart attack?"

"Sorry," he couldn't help but smile a bit, "didn't mean to scare you, just heard some noise and thought I'd come check it out."

Dawson just shook her head, her eyes finding the floor again as she leaned against the counter top.

"So…would you like to go in search of food?"

"Um…sure," Dawson spoke lowly, glancing at him and then back at the floor.

"Something's up with you Gabbi, and I'm going to figure it out eventually," his voice had confidence built in it.

"Good luck," she pulled herself off the counter and walked past him, "let me grab my zip up and then we can go."

Dawson and Casey walked down the sidewalk, the brisk early morning air creeping on every bit of exposed skin.

"This is why I don't ever go out this early in the morning!" Dawson whined.

"You've been on calls at this time…what are you talking about?" Casey laughed.

"Ok, this is why I don't _willingly_ go out at almost four in the morning," Dawson rolled her eyes, letting out a soft chuckle.

Casey put his arm around her shoulder, "Well, don't worry, I've got you covered." Without realizing it, he pulled her in closer to him.

Dawson's heart fluttered, memories of her past with Casey flooding her mind. She almost couldn't catch her breath. Though things had ended so roughly between the two, she still loved him just as much as when they were together. She felt herself resting her head on his shoulder without saying a word.

The two continued their journey down the street until they came upon an IHOP restaurant.

"Pancakes sound delicious right now!" Dawson spoke excitedly.

"Pancakes it is," Casey agreed.

"And coffee, don't forget the delicious, hot goodness!"

"Yes, coffee too," Casey felt his body tingle as he watched Dawson become more like her normal self, such a happy go lucky woman that he still felt so much passion for. He grabbed the door and opened it, watching as Dawson almost skipped inside. He followed, smirking at her. "You're amazing, Gabbi," he whispered to himself.

"What was that?" she turned around to face him.

"What? Oh, uh…nothing. Just said I can't wait for pancakes." Casey tried to keep from blushing. Dawson had that effect on him, the only woman to ever make him weak in the knees.

"Ok, if you say so…" Dawson cracked a half grin, walking the rest of the way inside. The two were seated and began looking through the menus.

"Are you sure you don't want to talk more about the fire scene? It just seems that it really got to you, and the best thing to do is talk about it." Casey looked directly in to her eyes, trying to search for answers.

Dawson couldn't do anything but stare back. Memories of the scene came flooding back, picking up right where they had left off.

(Flash back to the fire scene)

Severide spoke Dawson's name three times before she finally responded to him, "What?" Her voice was filled with anger.

"We need your help inside, can you suit up?"

"Yeah, let me grab my gear off the truck, have one of your men help Sylvie!" Dawson took off to the front of the townhouse, sprinting back out to the street. She grabbed her gear off the truck and dressed quickly.

When she got her helmet on top of her head, she ran as quickly as she could back to Severide. "Where do you need me?"

"The boys think their might be another kid in there, but they can't fit between the fallen boards. You're smaller and can squeeze through to check!"

Dawson took off into the house, not waiting for direction. She ran up the stairs to where she thought the room might be. When she reached the top, she looked right and then left. To her left, boards were on fire, covering a door that had the name "Harper" in pink and grey wooden letters plastered to it. "Oh my…" Dawson took off towards the door, forgetting about trying to be safe. She dodged the two crossed wooden boards and banged on the door, "Harper?" she yelled, "Harper are you in there?"

"Dawson, you need to get out now, it's not safe anymore!"

"Chief, I think we have another kid in here!"

"Dawson, you have thirty seconds to evacuate before I come in there and get you myself!" Chief's voice became angrier and louder into her walkie.

She ignored his request and continued pounding on the door, striking with her feet as well. The fire around her started to feel hotter and closer. She began to panic, feeling like her air was running low.

With another strike against the door, she finally got it open. Dawson burst into the room, realizing she had just entered a nursery. "Was that Harper outside?" Dawson questioned. She continued to look around, not seeing anything.

"Dawson!" chief yelled over the walkie, "get out now!"

Dawson took one last glance and left the nursery, taking the same route back out. When she reached safety outside, she ripped of her helmet, coughing out the smoke that had somehow reached her lungs.

Chief came around from the front of the townhouse, "Don't you dare push your time like that again, do you understand me?"

Dawson arched over, "yes Chief, got it!" She coughed more, trying to catch her breath.

"You ok?" Severide came over, putting his hand on her back.

"Yeah," Dawson looked up at him, do we know what that little girl's name is?"

"Her name is Haleigh, according to the neighbor. He said they also have another little kid, a newborn named Harper. She was just born about a month and a half ago."

Dawson's heart immediately sank and she felt like she had gotten the breath knocked out of her. "Harper…"

"What is it, Dawson?"

"Harper…the name on the door…Harper's still in there!" Dawson stood quickly, throwing her helmet back on, "I have to get Harper!"

"Dawson, no!" Severide grabbed her, just in time from being crushed by the townhouse collapsing on itself.

"No!" she screamed, trying to free herself from his grip, "Harper!"

(Flash forward to present time)

"Dawson…say something," Casey waved his hand in front of her face. He began to feel as though Dawson was losing her sanity.

"Harper…I killed Harper…"

-And there is chapter 3! Plot twist, the fifteen month old wasn't the only one Dawson was struggling to come to acceptance about. There is a whole other story pouring out now! Do you want to keep reading? Let me know by leaving a review! Thanks in advance, lovelies!-


	4. A Sense of Relief

-Hey everyone! Thanks to the response back from chapter 3, I've decided to quickly give you another chapter! Thanks for the reviews, follows, and favorites! I'm currently working on another DAWSEY story as well that will probably be uploaded by the end of the weekend. I'm not sure on the title yet, but it'll be juicy! Here's to chapter 4!-

"What do you mean you killed Harper?" Casey spoke just above a whisper so that others wouldn't hear their conversation.

"I did, I killed her. I didn't look hard enough. I was…I just didn't look hard enough!" Dawson covered her face as she felt tears ready to pour from her reddened, tired eyes.

"Dawson, you got in there with little to no time. Harper was probably already gone by the time you got inside. We were lucky to find Haleigh in time." Casey got up from his side of the booth and slid in next to Dawson, putting his hand on her thigh.

Dawson shook her head, her voice cracking as she tried not to cry, "You don't know that."

"You're right," Casey's hand rubbed her thigh subconsciously, just as he used to do to try and comfort her, "I don't know, but I know that my men, and you, tried our best out there today, and sometimes, lives are lost. It's no one's fault, Gabbi."

Dawson removed her hands from her face, revealing the tears dripping down her cheeks, "It sure as hell feels like it's my fault! Can you please move, I feel like I'm going to be sick and I'd rather not throw up in front of or all over you."

Casey scooted off the seat, letting Dawson out. She darted in the direction of the bathroom and slammed the door to the stall. She immediately fell to her knees and threw up the little she had had in her stomach.

"I can't do this…I'm not ready!" More tears poured down her cheeks as she clutched her stomach, "I'm not ready to face this alone!" Her voice echoed against the empty bathroom walls. Once she felt that the sickness had gone away, she sat down on her bottom, pressing her back against the stall. She sat there in silence for what seemed like forever before removing herself from the floor, composing herself, and heading back out to the booth. Casey sat there, a concerned look displayed on his face.

"Are you ok?"

"I will be." A response from Dawson that seemed to be on repeat.

"Dawson, what is going on? You look pale, exhausted, and possible like you're going to pass out." Casey reached for her glass of water, sliding it closer to her, "When's the last time you ate or drank anything?"

"I don't remember," Dawson shook her head, taking a sip from the glass, "but that's why we're here, right?"

"Yes, now let's order something." Casey handed her the menu from the end of the table.

"I already know what I want…three pancakes with chocolate chips and whipped cream on top." Dawson set down the menu.

"Wow, you're really still a child trapped in an adult's body." Casey laughed, causing Dawson to let out a soft chuckle in response.

Dawson finished the last bite of her third pancake and leaned back against the booth, "Man, I usually never eat more than one and a half of these…I guess I really was hungry!"

Casey nodded, "I'd say so, piggy!"

Dawson reached across the table and swatted his shoulder, "shut the hell up!"

Casey chuckled and pulled out his wallet, tossing a twenty-dollar bill on the table, "You ready to head back to the station?"

"Casey, you don't have to pay for the whole meal, I can pay my half."

"Dawson, that's not what I asked you. Are you ready to head back to the station?"

Dawson cracked a half grin, "well, thank you. And yes, I'm ready to head back to the station."

Casey and Dawson stood, exiting the building. Walking outside, Dawson couldn't help but gasp as the brisk breeze filled her lungs.

"You ok?" Casey's face was covered with confusion.

"Yeah, just caught off guard by this weather. Thought it'd warm up a bit."

"C'mon, Dawson, we live in the Midwest. The weather here is four different seasons in one week."

"Ain't that the truth!" Dawson agreed, "Race you back to the station!" She took off running.

"Cheater!" Casey took off after her, gaining ground.

Their laughs rang out into the cold, night air. The streets were quieter than usual, and it finally seemed peaceful around the Chicago Fire Department. Casey caught up with Dawson and grabbed her by the waist, spinning her around. They both tumbled into the grass, landing on their backs. More laughs filled the air as they lay there, Dawson half on Casey.

"Hm, you're a pretty comfy pillow, " she smiled.

"Thanks, I think…" Casey ran his hand through her hair, something he knew she had enjoyed when they were together.

Dawson closed her eyes, embracing their closeness and the warmth that each stroke on her hair left from him. She began to drift in and out of sleep, ultimately giving in to the sleepiness that overwhelmed her entire body.

Casey lay there, stroking her hair, watching her eyes flutter and then finally close. He stayed still for approximately five more minutes, making sure she was really asleep. When she seemed to quit stirring, Casey maneuvered out from under her, scooping her up in to his arms and holding her close. He walked the short distance back to the fire station and took her upstairs to her room.

Reaching her bed, he pulled back the comforter and sheet and laid her down. Upon trying to stand up, he felt her hand grab his, "Don't go…please don't go," her sleepy voice spoke into the silence.

"I'm right here," he whispered back to her, sliding in next to her and holding her even closer than before, "I'm always here, Gabbi."

"I love you, Matt," Dawson muttered.

Casey froze, processing what she had just said. _"Is she awake? Or just sleep talking? Do I say anything back? What the hell just happened?"_

"Dawson?" he lifted his head slightly to try and see if her eyes were open. When he received no response, he came to the conclusion that she was sleep talking. _"Do I tell her what she said? The subconscious always tells the truth, right?"_

He felt the need to respond to her, and muttered back in the quietest voice he could manage, "I've never stopped loving you, Gabbi."

Dawson's eye fluttered open and she sat up quickly, "How did I end up back in bed?" She looked around to see all of the other beds empty. "Where is everyone?"

Pulling the blankets off of her, she headed for the locker area. Still, no one was there. She quickly changed into uniform and headed for the community room. Empty as well.

"Hello?" she called out. No response. She walked out into the bay and saw that Engine 81, Squad 3, and Ambulance 61 were all missing. "Did I sleep through a call?" She went back inside and upstairs, grabbing her phone from the charger by her bed.

Two missed texts from Casey flashed at her.

 _Hey Gabbi, thought you'd like some sleep, so I didn't wake you for this call. Just relax, it seems like you really needed it. Be back soon, Casey._

 _Hey Gabbi, just wanted to let you know, it's nothing too serious. Car accident; three victims, all minor injuries. Dispatch screwed up and made it sound worse than what it was. Packing up now and headed back to the station after that. See you soon, Casey._

 _"Wow,"_ Dawson thought, _"that was sweet. Thank God for Casey. I have to tell him soon…he has to know the truth."_

Suddenly, Dawson could hear the garage doors in the bay beginning to open. They were back. Her heart fluttered at the thought of seeing Casey again. Their early morning adventures had been the most fun and comfortable it had been in a long time and she knew she couldn't keep her secret in much longer, not for the sake of the future, no matter where it took them. She composed herself and headed down to the bay.

Upon reaching the door, she saw Casey undressing his gear. She walked directly over to him, trying to keep the confidence in her voice, "Casey, can we talk…alone…please?"

The others looked back and forth at the two, Mouch speaking a loud, "Oooh!"

Casey turned to him, "Shut it, or you can wash the truck by yourself!"

Mouch turned and walked away quickly, letting out a chuckle as he went.

Casey turned back to Dawson, "Meet me in my office in ten?"

Dawson nodded and headed back inside. The anticipation felt as though it was going to kill her.

When she reached his office, Dawson went in and sat in his chair. She leaned back and closed her eyes, spinning the chair around to keep her busy.

"Having fun?" Casey smirked as he entered his office.

"Oh my god!" Dawson almost fell backwards out of the chair. Casey grabbed the back of it just in time to stop her from hitting the floor. He lifted her back up.

"Man, you're pretty easy to scare!"

"Yeah…I guess I am!" she put her hand on her chest, "you're seriously going to give me a heart attack! Feel my heart beat right now!" Dawson grabbed his hand and placed it just above her left breast.

Casey held back a blush that he felt building. "Wow!"

Dawson couldn't remove her eyes from staring into his. She felt warmth spreading all over her body and words couldn't seem to process right from her lips, "So…um…yeah…so…"

Casey cleared his throat and removed his hand from her chest, "Yeah, uh, so what did you want to talk about?"

Dawson followed suit, clearing her throat. She searched deep inside of her for the courage to finally admit what had been the root of her emotions, the real issue that was effecting her in so many ways, "I…um…do you remember that night, probably a little over four months ago, after we celebrated at the bar, and you and I…well, you know, we got together after…"

Casey thought back to that night, the memories flooding back, "Yeah, I remember. What about it?"

"So, I took a test…Casey…I haven't gotten my period in these last four months…"

Casey let out a loud exhale, his bottom sinking onto his desk, "Stop there…so you're telling me…"

"Casey, you don't have to be involved and I can handle it on my own…I mean, I don't even know if I want to keep it…"

Casey cut her off, "Dawson, stop." He found the control to look from the floor where his eyes had fallen, back to hers. He saw the tears building, Dawson looked like she was ready to lose it. Without saying anything more, he pulled her up from his chair and embraced her, wrapping one arm around her shoulders, the other on her lower back.

"I told you, Dawson. I'm here for you, no matter what."

Tears began slowly falling from Dawson's eyes. She instantly felt a sense of relief and sunk into his embrace even more. "Casey…"

"You don't have to say anything more right now, Dawson." He squeezed her tighter, his mind becoming viciously overwhelmed at the thought of becoming a father.

-And here's the end to chapter 4. What do you think? Let me know by reviewing, please and thanks in advance!-


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